Cineva îmi spunea azi că oamenii care iubesc nu-și cer scuze. Eu cred că această declarație e o tâmpenie. Suntem oameni. Cu toții mai greșim. Asta ne face să fim până la urmă oameni, nu? Dar mai cred că contează foarte mult cum ne cerem scuze și când o facem. Așa că m-am hotărât să scriu acest articol.
1. Să nu-ti ceri scuze pentru sentimentele unui alt om. „Îmi pare rău, dar eram supărat!” nu e o scuză! Că omul ăla era supărat e doar problema lui!
2. Să-ți ceri scuze pentru propriile tale actiuni și propriile tale atitudini! „Îmi pare rău că am fost nesimțit!”e o scuză pentru că recunoști și îți asumi.
3. Spune clar pentru ce îți ceri scuze. „Îmi pare rău pentru orice te-a supărat!” nu e o scuză! Specifică clar. „Îmi pare rău că nu ți-am adus ciocolată!” e o scuză! Și da, funcționează pentru aproape orice motiv de supărare!
4. Nu adăuga niciodată motive puerile(copilărești/neserioase). „Îmi pare rău, dar chiar am fost iritat!” înseamnă că nu-ți pare rău. Înseamnă că doar cauți să scapi basma curată dintr-o situație pe care ai creat-o! Te simți justificat pentru reacția ta, dar mai ales pentru modul cum vrei să fi iertat!
5. Cere iertare doar atunci când oferi iertare. Marea majoritate a situațiilor în care ajungem să ne cerem scuze sunt reacții la acțiunile noastre. Un „Îmi pare rău!” simplu nu cere răspuns. Dar un „Îmi pare rău că am făcut x chestie. Vrei să mă ierți?” e o cerere de reclădire a încrederii într-o relație.
6. Mulțumește atunci când primești iertarea. Știu că nu înseamnă mult, însă e atitudinea cea mai corectă pe care o poți avea. Înseamnă că ai înteles mesajul și că în viitor încerci să nu mai repeți greșeala.
7. Nu aștepta scuze reciproce! Într-o ceartă ostilitatea e ridicată la loc de cinste. Dacă te-ai hotărât să-ți ceri scuze, nu te aștepta ca cel la care îi ceri scuze să-si ceară și el! În general, adevărul e la mijloc și ambii parteneri au greșit, dar orgoliul își spunede cele mai multe ori cuvântul. Bineînteles că mai sunt situații în care, după ce se calmează spiritele, vin și acele scuze. Dar important este să nu le aștepți!
8. Când nu poți cere ajutor! Cred că noi avem o mare abilitate de a complica lucrurile simple, însă un „Îmi pare rău! Vrei să mă ierți?” urmat de un „Cum aș putea să îndrept situația?” duce la o muncă în echipă. Te face să simți că cel de lângă tine chiar simte că a greșit și în acest mod vrea să își corecteze actiunile!
La final mai vreau să spun doar atât: cuvintele sunt cea mai mare armă! Ele distrug orice gram de încredere, dar tot ele sunt acelea care dacă sunt rostite la timpul potrivit ridică imperii!
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